Thursday, October 20, 2005
Among the book reviews I was struck by one observation as below, observing about women:
Selfishness is not a by-product of feminism, it is a towering result of too many women being allowed to only think of themselves first and foremost. Women aren't raised to sacrifice for the greater good, for justice or for their families. There is no female version of chivalry. They are to be adored and not questioned, they are too valuable to endanger.
Yes I agree that women do tend to think that they are to be pampered(why else the term "Suitor" exists, why else does a man have to go down on his knees to propose), its evolved that way, may be it was relevant at one point in time. But as world changed and has culture changed(culture is ever changing), we ought to have collectively changed our expectations about being a man or woman. I agree men too had a big part in making a woman an object of consumption, and all that pampering and tolerance was with just 'one' thing in mind- yes the self-propogation of man, it is programmed in men. And it is programmed in women that she selects the male who has the best of health and the one who will provide her and her children with the best of resources to thrive on.
But we are supposedly in the era of equal rights(and equal duties too!, hey that comes along with rights, remember), and we know that we need to run families to fulfill many mutual needs. So why don't we all just understand that and live in harmony- its that simple, when u come to think of it.
May be we are all in the cusp of such maturity, may be people can't thrive without contradictions!. But hope that we can have some fun leading family lives, at least some fun, sometime.
More reviews on the above book at Amazon:
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Lady Macbeth is known for being one of the most powerful and even the most feared female characters created by Shakespeare. Even in the beginning, she shows us her ruthlessness when she begins planning Ducan’s murder. She also proved to us that she is a much stronger and dominating person than her husband, but she is fully aware that it won’t be easy to get Macbeth pull through with her plans. Lady Macbeth is described as a man inside a woman’s body by her spouse, and she agrees. She explains that if she weren’t a woman that she would commit the murder on her own. Women, the play implies, can be as ambitious and cruel as men, yet social constraints deny them the means to pursue these ambitions on their own.
Macbeth is very hesitant about her decisions and wishes he did not have to carry through with her demands. However, she still seems to pressure him into proving his man hood so that he can have complete rule. Slowly, her aspirations turn into madness and guilt begins to settle in to the point where she cannot cope and she is found trying to clean up a non-existent bloodstain. The play comes to a close with her suicide as a result of her emotions overpowering her life.
In this particular monologue in the popular style of Shakespeare, Macbeth agonizes over whether or not to kill Duncan, stating that he knows the king's murder is a terrible sin. He struggles with the though. He fears not so much with the horrifying idea of regicide as with the actual fact and process of murdering a man who trusts him. He would like the king's murder to be over and done with already. She states that she herself would go so far as to take her own nursing baby and dash its brains out if she had to in order to attain her goals. Lady Macbeth goes into more detail of how they will pursue her goals until the end of the scene where he resigns from the project.
The above is a character sketch taken from the net. We could help with lesser number of specimens of the above order, these characters will still be existant, but lets hope we all can tide over them or identify them before we get infront of one.
Man or Woman, if his/her greed and avarice takes over his heart its doomsday for all in vicinity including self.
When I read the article forwarded by Gopelalwani, I remembered my own promise to myself to continue my observation of cultures which offer fertile grounds for sparking 498a kinda situations: Ie. the Deteriorated family values and the results thereof.
The point in contention is some communities and groups in kerala and how they had evolved over centuries in the quest of social and economic advancement.
In Kerala the king used to select his women(more like in a Harem System) and give her a Saree(known as a "Pudava") to mark his intention. These girls stayed in their own homes and entertained the king(or the local ruler) whenever they dropped in for 'visits'(this kind of pseudo-harem systems were called "sambhandams"). These girls were not restricted not to have a proper marriage!, they used to marry men who are comfortable of the situation and who would run errands on behalf of his wife, even acting a messenger for the 'visits'. The chosen girl(or girls) were powerful since they had the clout to settle local disputes(almost like a extended court system, since the solution could be enforced through the kings favourable views for his chosen girl).
As a result the girls assumed power in households, and men increasingly became servile and at disposal. This trend continued even after kingdoms fell, since centuries of conditioning had by then taken over the society.
I reckon that many societies have this kind of skewed line of controls, and whoever cannot adjust to this system revolt and get into disputes, which may lead to false accusation and charges(like false cruelty and harassment charges - as in IPC 498a). The husbands who tolerated this lead a seemingly calm family, but these guys where infact waiting to vent out somewhere, and more often than not they vent it out against their son in laws!(since they do not want a man to lead any different life than themselves, sub-consciously).
So this kind of psyche also(in addition to neo-feminism) runs across many parts of India and triggers of unnecessary clashes, which leads to a 498a situation.
--- In firstname.lastname@example.org, "Gope Lalwani" <gopelalwani@y...> wrote:> MANSA: Fraternal polyandry. If it takes a minute for the term to sink in, you're probably not affected by agrarian crisis the way farmers in Malwa region of Punjab are. Bizzare as it may sound, there is a connection. The problem of fragmentation of land holdings has led to unusual social developments. One being wife-sharing among brothers.
It may be the world's rarest forms of marriages in anthropological terms, but in Mansa district of the state, this is a reality that stares you in the face. Visit any village of Boha area - Gandu Kalan, Gandu Khurd, Reond Khurd, Bhakhrial, Aan-diawali or Khandkalan - there are families of up to seven brothers married to one woman.
The reasons are purely materialistic. It prevents the division of the family farm, thus facilitating all of the family to achieve a higher standard of living. It ensures there is one set of heirs per generation. "Polyandry helps in preventing division of land," says Dr Kuldeep Singh Deep, a noted Punjabi playwright, based in Boha town of Mansa.
He adds that publicly the woman is married to one of the brothers, but within four walls of the house there is "mutual understanding" because of which other brothers do not marry and the division of land is prevented. So far as day-to-day family decisions go, there is one brother - usually the eldest -who exercises authority respected by others. The woman, too, agrees to the practice for the well-being of her children
The concept is not new. It has been written about, depicted in plays and generally found acceptance among the farmer fraternity.
Another reason advanced for its prevalence is the importance given to landholdings in the Jat Sikh community, where marriages are settled on the basis of the land one possesses. Preference is always for a groom who has a good landholding or is in government service. With fragmentation of landholdings and high unemployment rate, it is really a Herculean task for a farmer having 2.5 acres land to find a bride for his son.
This is the reason for steady increase in the number of aging unwed boys in rural areas of Mansa, Bathinda, Faridkot, Muktsar and Sangrur districts...
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Srivatsa , Nirupa & Vijay
In a small temple in Bangalore Elderly Nirupa , 70+ year old her limping husband Srivatsa and Vijay took a vow Trishti & Lila shall be brought to justice before the law . Elder abuse will not be allowed to flower . Supported starts puring in from neighbours who have been mute spectators uptil now . 498a and Dowry Cases cannot be treated as normal standard tactics of marital Game . They owe it to the society at large that shuprankhas are brought to justice. If it takes 20 years it will be done. justice ka na koi bhai , behen , mata , pita yah biwi hota hain , hota hai to bas justice . 35 years no body has ever taken , nor given dowry in family
Crime is a crime irerespective of gender .False Accusation is even worse . Madhu Kishwar could attend only one Dowry less Marriage . Vijay , Srivatsa and Vijay have attended 20+
Monday, October 03, 2005
When the dowry demands mentioned are actually articles purchased by husband
When in the so called suicide attempt the hospital itself does no exist
When there is clear evidence of previous paramour
When DNA test proves adultary
When cash flow evidence shows transfer of money from husband to wife
When the Groom has loaned Rs 16 Lakhs to his father in law
When the Groom has sponsored his brother in laws education
When the demand mentioned consists of a car which is purchased by the father-in-laws brother and used by them only .
Why should we even bother to prosecute such cases !!! National Waste of time . 15 minutes of analysis is sufficent to close this cases and yet such cases have gone for 4 years 5 years
Sunday, October 02, 2005
This is a post I received in the yahoo groups, read on….
i did try all these in the last 6 months as i said all religious ways.
far as the hindu way is concerned
1. there is one astrologer in hyderabad i consult often and plan my
and do all rituals
2. there is one astroler in delhi ( who send me divya mangala chakra
one). its a combination of mantra , tantra and yantra ( yantra which i
worship daily, mantra which i recite and tantra which i wear ). he also
advices me regulary
3. there is one indian priest here who often i meet every week and
to do lot of rituals. i kept a 2 month fast in august and september to
this marriage as per his advice. there is one holy ritual performed
every year where in you have to pick some offerings from burning hot
submit to god to fulfill ur wishes and i did that with complete faith
my surprice my hands did not burn. he is oneway my local consultant
4. there is one nadi astrologer from chennai whom i consulted who told
perform rituals every sunday in my wife name .so i go to that temple
sunday and offer my prayer in my wife name
5. there is a numerologist i got in touch recently here who asked me to
a ring which i wil be wearing from october 10th.,
now the christian way..
1 there is a paster here ( church fathers here are called paster ) who
prays for our matter every friday. i try to meet him often and i go
bible regularly on this matter.
now the muslim way.
1. there is a malay guy whom im in touch last 3 months who asks me to
in a muslim way. i do that rituals also.
these are all the things im doing till date. if you think there is any
other way or any person u think can be more effective, i dont mind
because i m committed for this matter and can go to any extent in
thanks and regards
******* Un quote**********
I don’t prescribe to the ways discussed above, but I perfectly understand the mind which is thinking all this… in hurt. When the force which is supposed to be the strength of your shoulder, partner in your life, turns back and knives u to a gory situation worse than death itself, one could think of turning to any corner which could possibly bring relief, and sanity to that cheating partner.
But thinking more practically, one has to take a problem solving approach and solve step by step all those hurdles, just let the fear and stress boost you to reach the solution. Its often said that being guided by heart does not often yield any materialistic results, "no sentiments in business"- and when survival becomes the sole business in your life, you better think with your logical brain(let the emotional brain take a break, till u r ready to absorb some more blows :)
Saturday, October 01, 2005
The laws of the motherland India are giving step motherly treatment to her very own sons. Their future is in jeopardy by putting the sons and his parental family in to perils.
I am writing this because of several mails that we get to read in our Inboxes, I have one of those unfortunate mails to share with you. (Identity is kept a secret on purpose)
Thanks for replying to my email. As it stands now we are currently trying the mediation route with my in-laws although they have already filed a false complaint for 498a and got my mother arrested in such a way that it fell on the weekend and it took 4 days to get her out on bail.
I'm currently in the US working for an MNC. My mother is a cancer patient and is living alone in India. If you have gone through this situation I don't have to mention the pain and agony I and my family are going through. I want to get her out of India from this hatred and injustice
I sincerely hope you are not going through a similar situation, if you are my prayers and wishes go for you and your family.
Thank you for all your help!
With such dangers the sons are considering better options and they prefer to be adopted by different mother(lands) and are successfully and loyally working for them and in return they are atleast getting their peace of mind. and basic right to livelyhood.
And statistician cleverly project this as a "brain drain".God Save this Country and the fellowmen.